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i felt like all my bones in my body are aching all over again and every heartbeat hurts. i felt so suffocated. i felt so unusual. i felt like i've not been me, myself for a long time. i felt like i've been putting up a happy smile a happy face for quite a bit, quite a while. i've been neglecting on everything that i've ever love, i've been neglecting on things that i really wanted and really want. 

i'm exploding. right now. i'm always like the girl that needs to run into some secured and comforting arms each time this happens. but no, i came to a point i realised that i might not be able to do this anymore. i may not be able to have anymore comforting arms to run to. when i'm young, i fall, i bleed, i cry. i run to my parents. but how about now? i can't always rely on others to help me when i'm bad when i'm on my worst days… i'm exploding. i'm feeling all the sadness. all the suffocation. all the every single bit of it. 

i hate myself. each time when i'm positive. so positive. the positivity don't last forever. 

can i love myself better?

i can't breathe… i need some fresh air.


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